Have you finally orgasmed yet?
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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