I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Randomize
