I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
