he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
