Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Randomize
