last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
