I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I feel like death gave me a hand job
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
