your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
im six kinds of drunk right now
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
