Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
