Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
