A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
