The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
He better not be in your backpack
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Randomize
