Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
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