Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
