No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
