belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
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