If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
