He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
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