I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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