I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
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