I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
