I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
