Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Randomize