Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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