I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
