You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
