i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
