Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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