you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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