i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
