You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
