I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Randomize
