If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
