If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
