If i come over, it means nothing
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
