She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
