i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize