i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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