i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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