After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I love having hate sex.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize
