my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
