I must be too annoying 4 u.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
