Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
