You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
