is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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