Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
