It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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