So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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