i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
