I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Randomize