Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
