the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize
