I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
