mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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