the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize