We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Randomize
