More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
