he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I can't turn off my feet"
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize