it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
