All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
