this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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