At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
we should paint friendship bongs
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
