She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
He kissed a someone with a penis
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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