Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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