I showed him my bush... on skype.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Such a big mess for such a small penis
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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