I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
